Is it better to receive?

Last week three of the girls in the office where I work received flowers from members of the opposite sex. It transpired quickly that they were being wooed by ex-boyfriends who had serendipitously decided to send flowers in the same week. One bunch came with a helium balloon which floated above her desk declaring "Love" in its own unique shiny foiled way. One bouquet - the most beautiful lilies I ever did smell - was tied up with ribbons and held a card with sentimental prose from an ex-lover.

Today I myself have been wooed. It has been building for a while - he has chatted to me more and more at my desk, smiled at me in the corridor and last week he told me that he had a gift for me. Despite my protests of having a boyfriend*, he brought the gift in for me today. A box of 20 fags. Benson and Hedges to be exact.

My friends' gifts were wrapped in vibrant paper and pretty bows. Mine came with a label telling me that I was risking ageing of the skin and infertility. Still, I have displayed them proudly on my desk the way one would a vase.

* Please note the distinct lack of quotation marks when referring to the boyfriend. It's amazing what a plate of scampi and a coke float can do for the soul. But more on that tomorrow. For now I have a box of cigarettes to smoke whilst I plan how to let Mr Loverman down gently.